You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
