So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
