I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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