i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my being single is dangerous.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
