Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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