Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
