Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
