My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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