my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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