I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
