yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
