From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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