I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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