I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
