I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
