we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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