textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
