i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
