I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Two words: nipple clamps
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