you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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