I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I would fuck him just for his dog
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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