Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just found a bag of teeth...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
