I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
