party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
