we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
