I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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