I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
