That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
