a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I AM VODKA MAN
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
