If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
