Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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