just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
