It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
