Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
