return my video game
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
