ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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