it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
