Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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