Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
