# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
