I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
