I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
