I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
