I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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