She is in my trunk
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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