ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
