I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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