That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
zippers are such a cool invention
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
