You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
