ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
